Michelle's Blog

I know I am not the only one who got up this morning and stopped to think of all I have thankful for, so here is my list. 
I am thankful for family. Without my family being there for me to help me and just listen to me when I am down and out, I would be lost. Especially this last year of my life where things have been rocky.
I am thankful for my children. They keep me focused. They are my reason for striving to be a better person. They have been my happy thoughts when I felt all had been hopeless. They keep my young, they make me laugh, they are my life. 
I am thankful for good health! I made the mistake of not putting my needs first, one fault many moms have. I will always be grateful that I am in good health and will be for as long as I am able to care for myself.
I am thankful for inner strength. Without that I would have fallen to pieces many times in my life, and this past year or so. It has been the reason that I am now able to live a free, happy, enriched life. One that is not predicted for me, yet being able to make my own future from here on out, is unmeasurable. 
I am thankful for new people in my life. If not for all of the above, my heart would not have been open to new people and the joy they have brought to my life these past 3 months. I have been able to be myself, to look at my qualities as well as my faults, and to embrace them without a tainted regret.
I bet I can think of more, but this is my list for now!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone !!!
Michelle

Job!!!!!!!!!!! I have been looking for a job for months!!! Yes there are many jobs out there, but I really needed one that was part time and close to home. I cannot afford to pay someone to pick my kids up from school, and a far away job with long hours meant they would have to give up all the after school activities they do, since hubby works late hours often,that made me very sad to ponder! So this job, is perfect. The hours, its close to home and I will be doing something I LOVE, working with small children !! I don't have to give up Girl Scouting, Church on sundays, sitting in during the week when the kids have class in church, only thing that will change is now I will be getting paid for what I was already doing :)

 

Yeaaahhhh @ Me :)

This morning on Fox, there was a story about drugs and weight gain.

http://www.myfoxny.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?con
tentId=4650973&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&p
ageId=3.5.1

I was taking meds for migrains last year, after noticeing my weight gain was going up fast, I did talk to my neurologist, he said that since I had been feeling better, slept better, I most likey ate more. After another 15 lbs packed on ( total of 30 now ), I missed my next appointment, and never took another pill. I felt very strongly that it was the meds. I am glad I seen it on FOX5, and as I read on the internet more, weight gain WAS a side effect !!

So far I lost 15 lbs! With the help of the Alli plan.  I have had more energy, and found that I can manage the migrains without the strong medication.

:)

Michelle

Summer is just about over. I started my season cleaning session today. Taking out shorts, skirts, etc. that I wont need till next yr or so. I was inspired to take a garbage bag and fill it with all kinds of things I felt I didnt need anymore. Inspired by mostly a book I read. I have grown tired of my usual reads and decided to pick up a self help book. Self help, me? That sounds strange to me since I always found those books to be good for nothing except making a great coaster, but the title caught my eye. " getting rid of body clutter " I naive as I am thought it was about making your household more organized, when I got into chapter 1 I immediatly knew it was about people, nothing to do with organization.

What I got from this book, was that we hold on to things in our lives that clutter our future. Internally, externally. We hold on to health problems with some strange sense of security, when we know we should be taking better care of ourselves. I have clutter from 3 pregnacies (external), some clutter even from lost friendships (internal).

 It helped me think objects though. Objects we hold on to. Small things that some may find totally useless, yet we just cant seem to trash it.

It could be baby clothes when we know we arent going to have anymore kids. A broken statue that was given to us by someone special, a peice of clothing that hasent fit us in oh so many years, but reminds us of our youth.

I keep a doll rabbit I had when I was 3. Im no spring chicken, so I can tell you its real old. I kept that doll, it was my security, It is my remider of how fragile childrens hearts are.

As I got into my closet more, when putting away the shorts, I came upon a shirt I had when I was 12 yrs old. I never wore it, it wasnt my taste, the color, the style, but It was given to me by my dad, in a time when I hadent seen anyone in my family for years. I took it out and thought to myself, "why did I keep something, that reminds me of nothing but pain" .

Then I realized it wasnt pain that moved me to keep it, it was that shirt that made be believe that there was someone who in fact cared for me in a time where I felt invisible, it was that shirt that gave me hope.

I put it back where it was.

Michelle

    The internet has been around for a long time now, and if some are close to my age, well we been "around" the internet from day one almost! Times sure have changed. AOL was always great to instant message people. Then came myspace, opening a huge can of worms for the planet. All the way down to the youtube.com facination. Oh if you havent looked on that sight, you WILL find it facinating! You can see just about anything on there..the good bad and yes even the ugly comes out in americans !

     It had me thinking. Am I the only one who takes vacations from the internet? It can be a day, a week, etc. It sure does make a difference.

    It gets heart wrenching sometimes, the worst that spews out of some people, here on the internet. Here where there is just about no reprisal. Here when people can write just about things where they would never ever say to someone in person. It does get tiresome.

   My thing is blogging here on myfox, and I also blog on an driving website. I used to be big on mom message boards, and instead of being a place to vent and get great advice, I got a lot of bickering, catty gossip. (maybe theres better sites out there for moms..I hope)

    I always live by the rule, "Treat others as you want to be treated".  Even when I am faced with the most ugliest (inside I mean !) people. I dont know what it is. My first reaction is always one that trys to show the other person how they are acting. Trust me, I do lose sleep at night on those days, thinking "I shoulda belted that person..etc".  Shoot I am human! One good thing was I met a few nice moms. One to this day I can call a real friend.

   Anyone else feel they need to take internet vacations from time to time?

Michelle

With the internet, it seems more and more there is nowhere to hide. Hide? Ok I mean more of, live a private life.

Countless sights have opened up all over the internet. Ones you can post up license plate #'s, warn people about cheaters, even ones where less than civil servants are shown for all the internet to see.

This made me think.

I for one try to live privately. I have not much to "hide" my life really isnt all that interesting , but I do hold my location, my day to day, and most important my childrens identity very far from the internets view. But so often I see sights where one can put up very private information about almost anyone they chose.

It made me think, am I the only one who has ever been curious to what is out "there" on the net about ourselves? Do we think about how others in the internet world percieves us? Do people purposly have internet identitys, ones where they can live their "internet lives" without worry of persecution?

Ha... that last line made me laugh.

Do you search the net for yourself?

I googled myself once. I got like 20 names all around the US that were similar. ( none were me.. that means I dont exsist?

:)

Michelle

Hey isnt there a song with that title? It makes me think of Elton John for some reason. Anyway, it seems to be a big factor in my life for a while now, that phrase.

My mother has suffered most of her life with some sicknesses. Some physical, some mental. In all my 36 years I have never known her to be anything else than that.

Having to struggle with some of my own issues concerning the way I grew up, I now am at peace with the facts and how they do not at all set the tone for me or my own childrens futures. Having said all that, this last year has been a hard one.

For me, well I cant even imagine what she endures. But its been hard trying to help and hitting wall after wall. Now her health has declined and its more noticible now than ever that I may not have much time with her.

She has gone from institutions, to assisted living, to having her own apartment , now, an adult home. Me and two of my siblings have made this choice last year when she had collapsed from serious pnumonia and dehydration. It became obvious that she cannot manage on her own, simple things as buying groceries and cooking decent meals are trivial for her.

Her being there, is sad. For us to see her decline in health, and also now her will to live has crumbled. I often wish I could have her in my home. Two of my siblings also have the same heartache. I know for a fact it would not only be unsafe for my children, but damaging to their spirits as well. No way could I let my children endure what I have. So my hands are tied.

Now I am faced with having to file for power of attorney over her. I thought if I had more power I could make good choices for her such as her health and happiness. Just to find out that with all my efforts she could still deny medical care. I was told it was every human beings right to live or die. I guess all I can do now, is make her time left here comfortable.

Sorry, but it really does not seem fair at all. Shouldnt it not be taken in to consideration that she cannot make rational decisions as someone without a mental illness? It breaks my heart to know her tortured mind is what causes her demise.

As I see her fade away before my eyes I try to imagine her start in this world as a child, a girl. Someone who had hopes, dreams. Someone who never pictured their last days as lonely as they have become. Tears boil up instantly.

Just isnt fair. Not to me, but for her.

I was reading some information about Fox's soundoff Q about making your own scent and what would its purpose be.

This made me think, I read many comments that reflected so much about peoples lives and what they would like to change about it.

 Would a scent make you a better person? After it wore off would you not be the same in the eyes of the beholder? Would a scent make you rich? And when the money was gone would your life have no meaning after ? Would a scent make you desired by many? And then as you had many before you how would you know who the most treasured one was?

If I had a scent , I would make it one of realization.

It would show you deep inside your true self.

It would show you how unique and special you are.

It would show you the one before you's most valued traits.

It would show you how being good to those around you, make your life with them so special.

It would show you how to make the best of every minute you have with loved ones.

It would show you that yes, you can make a difference in this world.

Oh, and all this would be free of charge :)

Michelle

I just don't get it sometimes.

I live in a area of the Bronx that has many cultures. I like it here, I have never felt in any way at all discriminated against in any way shape or form. But these past two weeks have made me think.

I come from parents who have 2 nationalities each. That makes me, well having 4. Growing up here in NYC has opened my heart, and eyes to many great cultures, and I have always felt so fortunate for this. I married someone with one nationality, yet I teach my children that your soul is who you are, not what you look like to others.

Ok, having said all of that, this is what made me think.

I was asked at a local bodega if I were a certain nationality. I said no, and well they waited for an answer. I paid, smiled and said have a good morning. It didn't bug me then. I feel strongly that it really doesn't matter. I am in NO way ashamed of who I am. I feel actually kinda special :)

Then this past Monday, it came up again. This time with some people I volunteer with. They spoke a language in front of me, and said "oh I'm sorry you don't know ,,yadd yadda" I said "oh I understand very well, just never learned to speak" Then instead of continuing with the conversation, they asked "why". I said well " I am a mutt.. jokingly" And then they asked what I was AGAIN. Whys it matter?? I am still who I have been all this time. I said I was special, and a new Yorker. smile** Then I was saved by the bell, and we had to move onto something else.

But this gets me thinking.

Does it really matter to people?

Why should it?

I like people, or dislike people for things like, their speaking patterns, sense of humor, moral and social views.  I cant even tell you the nationalities of every person I know.

Because to me,

it doesn't matter.

Michelle

I felt very sad this morning as I read some blogs here on myfox. I read a few that mentioned immigrants and how some felt violated in some way that they would want to live here. I thought being an American was about being free and generous? At least that is how I have always felt it meant to me. Why not share all our freedom to those less fortunate? I see nothing wrong with entry to the USA legally.

I read about race issues. Some said that they felt minorities have "made their own bed and must lay in it " so to speak/type when it came to violence in their communities. This also mad me feel very sad. I have to say that I know for a fact that not everyone who lives in a lower income bracket than others are criminals. I know for a fact that just because some are not as fortunate as some, and have to live in low income areas should have to suffer either. There are many many low income people, who happen to be minorities,  live honest, clean, and full lives.

I was at the museum of natural history. They have an excellent exhibit on human evolution and many specimens on display. I found it ironic on how the very first human skulls were found in far off countrys as in Ethiopia and south America. This makes one ponder, " why would race ever be an issue if we all knew for a fact we are all but from the same race?"

A melting pot, NYC is. Such as one that I always take heart into hoping  that in the next 100 years from now races will be so intermixed, that I truly feel race, will not even be such an issue as is it today. Such a peaceful place this would be, for our children's children, and so on.

Michelle

I just don't get why people complain that thier kids arent doing so well in school, and yet fail to notice it has so much to do with some of the lessons they need to learn at home.

We dont have much money. No big home ( we rent an Apt. ). No fancy car. I try my best to show them how important family is, and careing for one another.

Here is my gripe.

My son works real hard in school. ( 7th grade )He does a few extra curricular activities, and always brings home awards, good grades, and has made the honor roll many times. This past marking period, he made a 87 average. We were all so happy with him. I got him his favorite for dinner, and a big hug from me and hubby.

That night a friend of his called and bragged about how he got a new video game and cash for bringing an average of 72. My son felt like he got cheated somehow.

Trying not to be angry.. I told him nicely,  shouldnt our being proud of him doing well was worth way more than material things. I explained how doing well in school is for his benifit in life, way more than it was for us. I said that we were so proud of him and hoped that he keep up the good work and not feel discouraged in any way.

This got on my nerve.

I felt if I had the extra money I still would not award my child for doing what I feel is something he should be doing reguardless of what I would buy him/her.

Ok and I was a bit jealous.. that is true as well. We all want to give our kids everything. But at the same time I dont want to raise some bratty fools.

I try my best to be involved in thier school life. Help with homework when needed, support them in school projects, and I always make it a big deal when they come home with a good grade.

Isnt that all enough?

Michelle

 

 

I never really got the big thing about having a "space" on myspace, but wow it sure has blown up all over me. I knew it was a big thing with kids.. I have one in middle school who tells me about the drama that goes on there sometimes. (conversations in school) I have sighed with relief many times that he doesnt find it all that interesting, but hey I have two more kids growing up!!

My 5th grader came home one day talking about how her teacher was talking to the class about her myspace page and how its changed over the yrs, I was annoyed big time. Dont kids have enough on thier plates as it is?? School work, MTV, video games, etc. I did comment to the teacher the very next day about her small comment about myspace had most likely sent half her class (30 kids in that class) to the computer that same night..taking away from the oh so much homework she piles on them as it is. Um you can guess she is not my fan.

I did make it clear to my kids that I would allow them to open a page only if I had the password, and that no pictures of themselves would be posted..but I often ponder whats the big deal? Im no spring chicken, and I know moms my age and older with pages there as well. I talked with an old friend, and when they said oh whats your myspace URL,, I said oh I dont have one.. they were like "WHAT?"

Im abnormal? For not having a page there? lol.

* if I am abnormal, I will just stay that way, no interest for me *

Michelle