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Michelle's Blog

by cityslicker2801 from Bronx NYC

Last Post 43 days, 10 hours Ago


Vent
Nov 14, 2007 | 10:02 PM
Category: Faith
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Ever feel emotionally drained? It is such a bad feeling. It is one that comes from what feels like your soul. No caffeine, no nap, no happy movie can change that that feeling. I bet there are medications for that feeling, but who wants to be medicated through life? Plus when it wore off, the problem that made you feel that way is still there, there is no miracle cure for everything.

I guess without getting into too much detail, not many understand what I am even talking about. In fact I may even sound like a rambling idiot. But eh, if I can't vent here on my blog, where can I?

I can't stomach self pity. All my life I have felt that self pity would only drag out negative feelings. Self pity can only put up a wall between me and true happiness. Self pity to me is a crutch that some people use to excuse their bad behavior.

I grew up in a family riddled with self pity mongers. There are ones who will sing their sad song for anyone who hasn't hear it yet, and retell it to those who had forgotten. What gets me so disgusted is that, I have suffered the worst of them all, yet for some reason I have been "accused" as being the one who is the "favorite". I? I who had it far, far worse. I who to this day have nightmares of things I had to endure.

We all carry our cross. That is an expression I have heard for sometime now, yet I was not sure what my cross was. I think since I don't swim in self pity, that is my cross. My cross is being that one who is always trying the hardest to find the best out of bad situations. My cross is not letting what I have known, change my spirit.

Yet in all that I try live past, the self pity around me only rubs my face in negativity and heartache. It gets hard not to have some of that stay behind, it's hard to wash off. On these days I feel that drain. On these days I write. I write my little hearts content, and I don't even re read what I wrote. Maybe in some symbolic way the paper absorbs my pain.

Michelle
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Member Comments Total Comments: 12
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Tom_Simmons read my blog view my photos
Nov 15, 2007 | 12:35 PM

Hi Michelle,

You are right that self pity does nothing for anyone, and it is, and can only be a negative thing. The hardest thing we ever have to do in our lives, and I have touched on this in some other blogs, is try to rid our thoughts of negativity, and to keep positive when life gets us down. This is made more difficult if you have nothing but negative thinking around you, and so you have to try and change that, which is not always easy. My mom, who I love dearly, can use the guilt thing very well, and can be negative to the point where sometimes I have had to tell her I don't want to discuss whatever it is we were talking about anymore, as I only want to think positively. You can imagine the reaction I usually get from saying this, "Well you're in a bad mood today", and I have to tell her I'm not in a bad mood, and I love her very much, but I just don't want to talk about it anymore. It is not easy, but who said anything was easy?

Maybe your cross Michelle is to share your pain and experiences with others so they can learn from you not to wallow in self pity.

You are a wonderful lady with a great heart, and no matter what others do or say to you, that is something you will have forever, and that my friend, is a very positive thing!

Have a wonderful day Michelle!

Tom : )
DrDNP18 read my blog view my photos
Nov 15, 2007 | 4:46 PM

The only thing sitting on the pity pot will get you is a ring around your ass.

I enjoy reading your blog, Michelle. You have a great life & a wonderful outlook on things. Every day cannot be perfect, but continue to value what is most important to you, & your energy will be back shortly! If not, keep writing, talking, sharing.....you'll be fine!!!
jamesryan read my blog view my photos
Nov 18, 2007 | 7:39 AM

Wow, I've read your blogs and you answered a couple of my blogs, I never thought that you had anything going wrong. Your a very bright person don't let depression grab a hold of your life. Everyone experiences what I call down time in life. All I can say is that you have to consider all the good things you are living for and move on.
Christina_Park read my blog view my photos
Nov 19, 2007 | 12:34 PM

Hey Michelle...

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes we're harder on ourselves than on anyone else. Why is that? I know what you mean. The best thing to do is to treat yourself the way you would your best friend. What would she need?

Rest. A little treat. A new pen with which to write in your journal. (I, too, write in my journal daily!) Veg out. Or work out. Follow your bliss!

Tell yourself it's OK. Where we are is exactly where we are meant to be -- that includes our struggles and our triumphs.

In every tough moment is a very valuable lesson. One thing I do is to FEEL what I'm going through and think about how others must be feeling, too. When someone makes me feel bad, I try to really feel that because it helps me empathize with others who may also feel the same way in the future. Knowing hardship, struggling mightily or little helps connect us with others. And it develops our compassion.

We're all in the same boat -- humanity!

Sometimes I will look around and see that. We're all the same. Same fears, same needs and same desires. We want to be loved, we want to be protected and feel safe. We want to have meaning in our lives.

You're never alone. =) The world is your safe haven and you are surrounded by friends. You never know. You could run into an angel today. Or maybe you will be an angel for someone else today!

Life changes so quickly that sometimes you just need to be in the moment. And if you are going through a tough time -- develop the art of patience.

Patience is HARD! It's an active thing. Patience

Christina_Park read my blog view my photos
Nov 19, 2007 | 12:39 PM

Oops - got cut off!

******
Patience to me isn't just sitting around like a victim waiting for the situation to improve... Rather, it's like meditating and being ready like a sentinel. You're focusing on the present, accepting the situation completely and not running away or masking it with distractions.

It's tough! But if you can overcome this, you will have renewed self confidence and power. I don't think self confidence comes from having flashy things or looking good. It comes from sitting firmly in the moment and embracing who you are -- the good and the bad.

My friend Mary likes to say every human being has a fundamental darkness. A darker nature. But we also have an incredibly beautiful holy nature.

The trick is to choose your highest self and water the positive seeds. It's tough work because those weeds keep comin'! But you can tend that inner garden into someting beautiful!
SamIam read my blog
Nov 19, 2007 | 3:04 PM

By my count you have three crosses.

I sure pity you.

;)
cityslicker2801 read my blog view my photos
Nov 27, 2007 | 9:16 AM

Ahhhh, finally I have time to sit after the holiday....

Tom, thank you for your as always kind words ! I think family stress, holiday stress with a lil pms in there made me feel so bad. :) I did think of your words, maybe me sharing a bit of myself, shows others how not to sit on the pity pot? Ehh, either way I cannot change the way I am. I just have to stop hearing others sing the woe is me songs.

And I have to add.... everytime I read your encouraging, and uplifting words Tom, I wish I had a nice lady friend for you to meet! Such a sweet man you are, and I am happy to "know" you.

Michelle
cityslicker2801 read my blog view my photos
Nov 27, 2007 | 9:19 AM

Doc,
thank you for your compliment :) after some longggg naps, I did recover just in time for thanksgiving :) Just when I was feeling low, my 6 year old sat with me and hugged me for no reason.. that sure helped a lot.

Michelle
cityslicker2801 read my blog view my photos
Nov 27, 2007 | 9:21 AM

Jamesryan,

I refuse to let depressing times take over my life.. and well it does creep into just about everyones life from time to time, finding the good things in our lives sure does help, thanks :)

Michelle
cityslicker2801 read my blog view my photos
Nov 27, 2007 | 9:30 AM

Christina,

Thank you for your words ! Its hard having patience sometimes with people around me, wow reading that scared me, maybe I am becomming anti social? I dont know but I just get worn down with hearing about other peoples problems all the time. I wish someone would call me with GOOD news for a change, you know? I guess at this time in my life I am dealing with so much that I am not such a good friend these days, a good one listens to your moans and groans about life. I just get tired of it sometimes. Who wouldnt?

BUT..... I did much napping. My laundry basket was screaming..lol I also took some long hot baths and treated myself so a hair do. Funny how on my worst day someone told me how nice I looked ! I thought to myself, ehh I guess I should do myself up on my worst days.. some nice words from someone sure wont hurt ! :)

Maybe salons should hold stress make overs, where someone is so down, and they give you 50% off some pampering? ;) I bet theyd make a lot of $ !
Tom_Simmons read my blog view my photos
Nov 30, 2007 | 2:37 PM

Hey Michelle,

How was your Thanksgiving? I hope very nice.

Yeah, like I said, if you can get rid of the negative thinking around you, even if you have to tell people, stop being negative, or better yet, try to help them think positive, then you will be happier. I do believe in the power of positive thinking.

I feel the same way about you dear lady. You are a very sweet lady, and I am happy to know you too. As for wanting to have a nice lady friend for me to meet, you don't happen to know Tracy Humphrey, do you? = )

Have a wonderful day Michelle!

Tom
cityslicker2801 read my blog view my photos
Dec 1, 2007 | 3:48 PM

Tom ! So sorry I don't know Tracy Humphrey :( If I did I would make sure she would give you only 5 minutes of her time, for sure it wouldnt take long for her to see what a great catch you are :)

Michelle

( oh and my thanksgiving was good, I cooked like crazy, got stuck with so much food, passed out from eating too much ;)
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cityslicker2801

Avid reader, strong belief in children learn what they live, strong belief in the family unit, I love god and feel we are all created equal,we all should be treated the same..with love..kindness AND RESPECT , I think all human beings have the right to an education a place to live and decent healthcare, I have strong faith in the long nap to replenish the soul, I am a star gazer, sunset watcher,  forever optimistic, big on foreign films, Korean dramas, Karate and Horror movie buff.  My life's motto is to live and let live, but if you aren't happy with your life, do something about it ! ~ Quit whining :)  ..

Member Since: 1/12/2007


 

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