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I told myself that I shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed. I said to myself that it's ok because you are in the privacy of your home. I told myself that you're safe. I told myself that it's a new way of meeting people. I told myself that because I'd been so busy and the bar scene is not your thing , why not ? I told myself that there are good people out there just like me that are finding it difficult to meet a companion. I've told myself that love is love no matter where you find it. I tell myself all this because I am a bit embarrassed.
Why should I be embarrassed ?
Most of the time I tell my best friend nearly everything, but I can't bring myself to tell her that I met a great guy on the internet over two months ago. Maybe if I had not heard her make jokes about one of her co-workers that joined a internet dating site, I would have told her immediately. It seems that you are deemed a loser or undesirable by society for seeking a mate or simply companionship and conversation online. I'm by no means a loser or undesirable. I have a successful business that I started in my kitchen and now employs eight. I'm a homeowner. A very nice one, if I say so myself. I'm very attractive by society's standards of beauty and by the attention that I get from men. Yet, I found that I was lonesome and could not for the life of me meet a good guy in the "normal way." It had been five years since I had a relationship of substance. The first few years of being single was no sweat. Busy working and planning. The time just flew by. Then one day after all task were completed and all was well in my world, I sat here and thought " wow, I have no one to call or go and visit." No shoulder to lay my head on.
The phone just wasn't ringing and when it did it was someone that had lost my attention or simply could not fulfill my need for good conversation on a variety of subjects. The blind dates and the "hook-ups" from friends just wasn't cutting it. I've actually had blind dates where I thought my friend that set it up must not really like me! You thought I would mesh with that guy?
Then I told myself to just try it
So one day out of curiosity and boredom I did it. I clicked on that personals icon. Initially I was very surprised at how many sites there were and the number of people that were out there "looking." It took a couple of weeks before I was comfortable enough to write a profile. I was cautiously optimistic. Naturally everyone described themselves as the ideal catch. But as I got more comfy and knowledgeable with the ways of the sites, I realized how to weed out the "no ways" just by their screen names , profiles or opening approach line...
Then there he was. Cute screen name. Nice opening line. Strikingly handsome. Educated and a great career to boot. Wait a minute. Hold the phone. There has to be something wrong with this guy. But then the obvious hit me! Perhaps he's in the same situation that I'm in. Simply having a difficult time meeting someone that shares some of the same interests, beliefs and goals that he does.
"Click". Ice Breaker sent. I still don't know why I was so nervous after that initial "click." It wasn't like he could see me or if he wasn't interested he simply would not respond back. Maybe it was the idea of possible rejection. He did respond and I have yet to regret sending that ice breaker.
I am however, slightly embarrassed by the way we met. What will my friends think? Why should I care? Somehow I think it seems to reek desperate woman to the outside world. Which is far from who I am. I was a lonesome woman. The operative words are was and lonesome. Why should I care what society thinks of it? I suppose it's human nature to care what people think. Now, I have my phone calls, emails and pictures to look forward to after all the task are completed for the day. I have someone who makes me laugh hysterically and someone who I can talk to for hours about things that matter to the both of us. We laugh about our meeting on line. He is not at all embarrassed of meeting his dream girl on line. (His words) We have agreed to meet half way between the states later this summer. I'm sure by then the shame of it would have lessened. I will have no choice but to tell my good friend and family all about him and how we met. No matter how things turn out with the two of us, I went out of my comfort zone and tried something new. I'm having a great time and met a very good person. That's in my opinion is worth it all. Of course in my mind and heart I want him to be the one. So far so good......
Why should I be ashame of my sweet little secret?
