Black-n-Beautiful's Blog

I am a strong young black woman who lives in the world of racism everyday.  My mother is biracial and my father is black.  I live in two worlds, two worlds of hate.  I recently was told by a co-worker "your black enough, but damn when you open your mouth you got too much of  your white mama's ass in ya" !  I went home so angry, and ashamed at myself for not putting her in her place. I have a great relationship with my parents, and have seen so much of the racism my mother and father have gone through  because of their love for each other, I felt that I let them down at that point. Until that day I have never really looked at people, effecting me so much as I did that day. It was their ignorance that touch me deep down inside. It seemed to take away MY reality of what life is really like. I sat down with a woman who I love and respect dearly,  a woman who sees things with her heart and  her head. A woman who blames no one and love all,  my grandmother  she is a true African American! she came  to America from Africa, she still has many family there and goes to visit several times a year.  I spoke of that defining moment  at work that started my  inner failure and my loss of self worth. We sat for hours and talked, I admire her, at that moment I truly understood what she and my parents have been teaching me all along. I just didnt see it. I was born in America I am black, not African American, not white, I have  a mixed ancestry of wonderful wonderful people! I have the BEST OF BOTH WORLDS, white and black, how dare anyone try to judge me, take away form me, or control me based on the color they see and not the person who wears it. I often wondered what made a biracial person feel so torn, it is now clear to me being part of the same but not in a whole. As a mixed race we feel what so many cannot feel.  White cannot feel black and black cannot feel white. I am lucky I can walk in the shoes of both. I am lucky, I just never knew it!  My grandmother gave me a lot of African history that day, the history that shames all Africans, the history that stays buried in the hearts of the old, never to be said. It was not just the white traders that came to "take" us it was our own who sold us!  Many where sold for greed,  many were sold to have less mouths to feed, and many were sold based on the idea of a better life only to be wrong. This history that has not changed, the war against their own has never died there and so many black Americans claiming the African history  but never stepped foot in Africa to help their own! "Shameful" she would say "down to the core!!"   She came from a family of African slaves owned by African slave owners, that still goes on today!  She found solace in America and the white family that took her in when she came here. she also never forgot the white people who tried to bring her down. But she doesn't hold on to it , she prays for them. She said it is the "soul that is defiled" in those people who can not forgive, and when God looks upon his children, he does not see them! I admire her so so much! I admire her more then I ever thought I could. I learned a great, great lesson that day I spent with her.  I learned that I DO matter!  I always will!